The problem of in-laws is the one which many wives wish did not exist in marriage. This is because it is the bane of many ailing marriages. Many daughters-in-law often dislike their mothers-in-law and very few daughters-in-law have ever had any thing good to express of a mother-in-law. Many spinsters wish that they can not have one once they marry their husbands.
Many mothers-in-law tend to be viewed as overbearing, busybodies and a wife's greatest rival. The questions to ask are:
'Why are mothers-in-law generally understood by their daughters-in-law?' 'Are mothers-in-law truly bad?'
In several homes across the entire world, especially in African settings, there's usually an unending, raging conflict between a mother-in-law and her daughter-in-law.
You will find two parties to the conflict - the wife and her husband using one hand and the mother-in-law on another hand. To manage to provide understand the factors behind the conflict, it is pertinent to gauge the roles played by each party to the conflict.
The wife and her husband
Many wives, especially African wives, enter into marriage, fully prepared for battle based on pre-conceived notions that mothers-in-law are evil and should be put in their right places. Thus they have formed an opinion of the in-laws and have figured the in-laws are antagonists. So, if a partner has a form and loving mother-in-law, she would misconstrue exactly what the mother-in-law says or does.
A wife may have an illusion that once her husband marries her, she must abandon his parents and cling to her. This illusion is based on a scripture that says that '' A person will leave his father and mother and cleave unto his wife'' ;.By their faulty interpretation with this scripture, they appear to forget that the same scripture commands that 'a person should honor his parents''
A sensible man will not abandon his parents when he married a wife. He must continue to relate with them and to offer for them. However, his relationship with them shouldn't allow unnecessary interference in his affairs, especially marital affairs by his relations.
Unfortunately, in several places especially in Africa, relations do interfere in the marital affairs of a married relation and this attitude is just a product of an African's cultural values particularly the extended family system.
The extended family system of the Africans is just a beautiful and commendable cultural system which allows a member to be his brother's keeper. However, one major defect of this technique is just a member's assumed right to meddle in the marital affairs of another member.
No parent has the best to meddle in the marital affairs of a boy except the son grants them the power to complete so. Such powers, when given tend to be abused and the mother-in-law is the main culprit. A boy who grants rights of interference to his relations is obviously lacking in maturity and continues to be in bondage to his parents i.e. tied to their apron strings. Marriage is for adults and real men. Real men are not just men by physique as some men really are. Maturity is the capability to take full responsibility for one's actions and to handle one's challenges
There is a full world of difference between a wholesome respect for one's parents and servitude to them. Many men do not seem to understand this difference. A boy who allows undue interference in his marital affairs is consciously or unconsciously setting the stage for a conflict especially where his wife detests and resents such interference. In this wise, the son/husband has become a area of the problem.
Some men are emotionally attached to their parents especially their mothers and this is the loop that the mother-in-law takes advantage of to trouble her daughter-in-law.
The mother-in-law
A mother-in-law really wants to be loved and accepted by her son. She really wants to be remain relevant in his life and be treated as a priority. The Mother-Son relationship is one of the most intimate but non-sexual relationships.
Mothers usually are very passionate about their sons. Some mothers who may have had rough and difficult marriages in their time with probably impossible husbands usually take solace in their children to comfort them and care for them. They could have suffered a great deal and had borne numerous indignities to coach and bring up their children. They'd see their children as their little husbands.
Suddenly, a new woman appears on the scene to take away her son's attention from her. She feels oppressed and becomes heartbroken. The mother fails to appreciate that whenever her son gets married, she now belongs to the backseat while her daughter-in-law takes the leading seat in her son's life. The mother still desires to really have the full attention of her son which her daughter-in-law will see as rivalry and competition. Motorcycle accidents
Which means conflict between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is a fight for the eye and control of the son/husband.
Some mothers-in-law are unnecessarily difficult and can not be pleased or satisfied by a daughter-in-law. Sometimes it is out of envy particularly when the mother-in-law had a hard and unhappy marriage and her daughter-in-law now has a pleased and cordial relationship.
Some mothers-in-law have good intentions, genuinely thinking about the welfare of the son that the daughter-in-law may misconstrue to mean poke nosing.
